Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
