his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
