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• (253): View more from Washington

  I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness

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• (+41): View more from Switzerland

  look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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• (510): View more from California

  Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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• (516): View more from New York

  This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket

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