I can text with my tongue
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.