saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
