Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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