Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
