just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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