Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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