I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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