yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
