I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the day after is always just damage control
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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