Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
