Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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