I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I cockslap morals
...so i touched it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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