Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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