The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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