I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Randomize
