oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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