I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
is it fun? or sober?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
