youre lurking in front of me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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