The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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