Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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