I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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