Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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