Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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