Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They took my balls.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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