I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
