The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
