I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
