Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
