and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
