I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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