he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
