the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
