i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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