is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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