I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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