Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
