Tell her she can't have a vagina
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
