yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
