So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
