i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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