So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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