Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
