Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
