Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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