I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
