Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
