I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
