I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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