god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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