the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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