you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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