She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He has the fingertips of a God
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
