happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So many bounce houses so little time
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
