i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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