you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Green mimosas i think yes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
