so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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