Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
