you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
