There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
