babies were throwing up all over the place
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Come see our sink grown plant.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
