I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
