Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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