He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
