I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
