so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
