advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
