I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
