dude i'm inner monologue high
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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