There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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