would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize