Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
