He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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