I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
