i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
