Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
