I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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