8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
