If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
