Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
