Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize