I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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