Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize