Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
