definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
